Academic Writing Sample Task 1 #64
When you are writing large numbers, do not add an ‘s’ to the number:
300,000 = three hundred thousand. NOT
three hundred thousands.
The plural form is only used to give an approximate idea: There were thousands of people there.
You can use numerals instead of words, but we usually write larger numbers such as four million.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying fulltime or part-time.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
Model answer 1
The bar chart illustrates how many males and females have studied in full-time and part-time education in the following years: 1970 to 1971, 1980 to 1981 and 1990 to 1991.
It is clear that in all three time periods more people of both sexes were involved in part-time education than fulltime. Overall the number of men in fulltime education rose from approximately 100 thousand to 200 thousand, whereas the number of men in part-time education was lower in the early nineties than twenty years earlier.
As far as women are concerned, the numbers increased in both sectors of education. The number of part-time female students increased dramatically from 700 thousand to 1.2 million in the twenty year period. The amount of women in fulltime education went up more gradually from 100 thousand in 1971 to just over 200 thousand in 1991. This was similar the increase for fulltime male students.
To sum up, the number of women in both sectors increased significantly while it seems that the rate of men entering part-time education decreased a little and was fluctuating.
Candidate answer 1
This is a bar chart of the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods. In 1970, Most of Men were studying part-time but from 1980, studying part-time as decreased and studying full-time was increased and in 1990, it was twice as many students as in 1970. On the other hand, Women studying Full-time were increased and not only Full-time, part-time also were increased. In 1990, studying full-time was three times as many students as in 1970. If compare Men and Women, as you see, in 1970, Men were studying more than women full-time or part-time but it changed from 1980 and then, in 1990, Women were studying part-time more than Men and studying full-time was same number.
It shows you women has a high education now.
“The length of the answer is just acceptable. There is a good attempt to describe the overall trends but the content would have been greatly improved if the candidate had included some reference to the figures given on the graph. Without these, the reader is lacking some important information. The answer is quite difficult to follow and there are some punctuation errors that cause confusion. The structures are fairly simple and efforts to produce more complex sentences are not successful.”
Candidate answer 2
According to this graph, the number of men and women in farther education in Britain shows that following pattern.
In the case of male, the number of male has declined slightly from about 100 thousands in 1970/71 to about 850 thousands in 1990/91. However, this figure rose back to about 850 thousands in 1990/91 from about 820 thousands in 1980/81. The proportion of full-time education has declined during this period. However, the proportion of part-time education has increased dramatically.
On the other hand, in the case of female, the number of both full-time education and part-time education has increased during the period.
From about 700 thousands in 1970/71, these figures rose to about 820 thousands in 1980/81, to about 1100 thousands in 1990/91. In terms of full-time education, this figure rose by about 260 to about 900 in 1990/91.
On the other hand, with respect to part-time education, this figure rose dramatically between 1980/81 and 1970/71. However this figure rose slightly between 1980/81 and 1990/91.
“The candidate has made a good attempt to describe the graphs looking at global trends and more detailed figures. There is, however, some information missing and the information is inaccurate in minor areas. The answer flows quite smoothly although connectives are overused or inappropriate, and some of the points do not link up well. The grammatical accuracy is quite good and the language used to describe the trends is well-handled. However, there are problems with expression and the appropriate choice of words and whilst there is good structural control, the complexity and variation in the sentences are limited.”